Saturday, May 27, 2017

Song of the day

That new look seems awfully familiar somehow

What makes or breaks any job is what kind of supervisor you have

So I stumbled across this YouTube channel a couple of days ago, and I'd watched a few of them. One of the ones I watched was this one, which I passed along to my friend and coworker Margaret. This is my former supervisor - which she agreed to wholeheartedly.

The serious lack of empathy is usually the big tip off. When I had to go up to Washington State the last time, when my dad ended up dying, my supervisor had zero sympathy for me. And who doesn't have sympathy for people who have loved ones in the hospital and / or dying? Psychopaths. And I've been calling him one ever since.

Add being totally lazy to this, and this is what I've had to deal with to for a year and a half. Even the sound of his voice is enough to stress me out now. Is it any wonder I've been dying to leave this place?

Quote of the day

"As long as there is a place where you’re vulnerable, the universe will find a way to confront you with it." -Ram Dass

Friday, May 26, 2017

Song of the day

I've never been one to keep bringing up past wrongs in arguments

How I Forgave What I Couldn’t Forget
So forgiveness is possible. The secret? Try to realize the sad state of mind that person was in when they hurt you.

We are empowered when we are aware of the emotions that can get out of control and make us miserable. The emotions themselves are not wrong. When you feel something, it is real, and it should be acknowledged. But you need to let the anger go.
These kinds of things always make me think of this quote:
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." -Buddha
Holding onto a grudge just hurts yourself, and not anyone else. And empathy is the key to forgiveness.

The reality is, you're never going to do anything about it, anyways. You're just going to hold it in and seethe, and that inflicts pain upon yourself as well as allowing that person to take up precious head space. You let that go, and you're suddenly free to think about other, happier things.

Now, for me, I'm more than happy to let go of such things. However, that doesn't mean I forget about what went on before. And, sometimes, it turns into an active dislike of everything about that person instead.

Which isn't to say I obsess about it endlessly. Only one person gets such an honor, at this point. Usually, I only think about it when it's in front of me.

Like a certain hockey coach, who shall remain nameless. I dislike the man because I think he makes questionable choices that hurt his players in a variety of ways. I don't hold a grudge, though, for what he'd done; I just really don't like how he manages his players (yes, more than one). Until someone comes along who can beat that pompousness out of him, he can't help it if he's an ass who thinks far too highly of himself.

That is certainly not a grudge. He doesn't deserve that kind of time and effort. It takes too much energy to hate someone, so I don't bother doing that. If I cared enough to bother, I could take him down on my own - as I've mostly accidentally done before with other coaches and the occasional GM - but in the end it's much sweeter if he just does it to himself.

I think I've mentioned before that I'm not really a very nice person, right? You screw over the people I love, and...well, I can get a bit upset about that. Plus I can be incredibly vindictive, if I let myself - and I almost never let myself. But in this situation, I'm just going to sit back and wait for him to screw himself over because he's just not worth the effort.

You know, I've said for years that someone ought to pay me for my hockey related services, but no one listens. Yes, I have influence and a certain amount of power, and I've had them for over 20 years. But since I get absolutely nothing out of exercising those things, I usually don't bother. In fact, these days, I do the entire opposite and deliberately try to mute any influence I may have - usually by keeping my opinions to myself.

But I digress. Regardless, that's still not holding a grudge. I'm not plotting to overthrow people from their jobs, after all, or nursing the negative feelings that surround such things. If I come across a person I dislike, I'll think about how they annoy me for about five minutes, and then I move on with my day.

Another example: I'd had a falling out with my sister Jill about 12 years ago, and then moved to Florida, but I did nothing about it. One, she wouldn't have admitted she was in the wrong to begin with, so there was no point. And two, alienating her wouldn't have accomplished anything. So instead, I forgave her for it - it took me years to get over it, because it was rather traumatic, but I still did - all the while keeping her at arm's length because she'd do something similar to me again in a heartbeat without even thinking about it.

I refuse to allow another person to take up residence in my head. Screw that. Besides the fact that they probably didn't think twice about me, I have better things to do than worrying over someone who couldn't care less about me. Most of the time when people hurt you, it has nothing to do with you. It's all about them and their issues that they're foisting upon you.

We all have the ability to decide how we want to take something another person does to us. We can take it personally, or we can take it objectively. If we take it personally, then you're assuming partial responsibility for what happened - even if you did nothing. If you take it objectively, then that responsibility stays where it belongs: with the person who was a jerk to you.

Of course, there are knee-jerk reactions to things. We all have stuff that happens where we instantly get angry or upset over, and that's totally normal. The bad part is when you dwell on it for too long, and / or when you start perpetuating the pain on your own long after it happened, though. At some point, you make a deliberate decision to either get over it, or not - and that's all on you.

I suggest you let yourself get over it. Whatever pain or anger that's drifting around in your head weeks / months / years after the fact is still there only because you allow it to be. So kick it out, and see what you can find that's happier to replace it. Instead of obsessing about how someone did you wrong, start obsessing over planting flowers or a garden, you know?

One more quote that I also usually think of in regards to this topic:
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." -Mohandas Gandhi

Quote of the day

"Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end." -Robin Sharma